For those of you that are reading this and have no clue who the "Terrible Trio v2.0" are, the statistcs and biographies for them and their henchpeople can be found here. Note that the linked page has not been updated for quite some time and that the characters are all formatted for a Dragonball Z RPG. The "Terrible Trio v1.0" can be found archived here. They were a Boss Scenario for the same DBZ RPG way back in 2003.
Chapter 1 of 2
Following their not-so-triumphant, semi-successful mission to recover the Rotoplooker,whatever the hell that hunk of junk was, Vash and his newfound friend Lupin find themselves knocking back cold ones in a bar and grill. Over the last hour or so, they've been trading stories about this-and-that, discribing all the conquests they've had over their long, arduous lives. Vash described the love of his live, a girl named Rem Saverem, who Lupin imagines as a rather homely girl; but whatever floats Vash's boat. In response to Lupin's less-than-excited reaction to Rem's description, Vash decides to bring up Fujiko.
"So, heard anything from your girlfriend yet?"
"Girlfriend?"
"Uh, yeah, the backstabber."
"Fujiko?"
"Yeah, her. She's your girlfriend, right?"
"Oh, er, uh, yeah! You know it! Me and her have been together for years," he replies, rather jittery.
"If that were true, why'd she betray you for that midget demon kid?"
"Oh that's just a game she likes to play, always trying to show she's better than me."
"Uh huh, you heard any word from her since then?"
"she'll come crawling back to me here real soon, I'm sure of it."
The two continue their banter in between shots of some unknown beverage when the arrival of someone draws the attention of just about everyone in the establishment. Deciding to see what all the hubbub's about, Vash and Lupin turn their attention to the door where they find an old guy in a robe, surrounded by hot ladies.
"Who the hell is that guy?" Vash asks the bartender.
"Huh? That's Hugh Hasselheff! It's the Heff, man. Don't you know that?"
"The Heff? What kind of stupid name is that?" Lupin replies.
"I'd watch what you say about him, guys. Not only is he a multimillion dollar pornography tycoon and worshipped like a God in Germany, but there's been reports that he's also a spy for the American government!"
"You're kidding, right? That old dude is a spy? Ha! I've met children that are probably tougher than he is!" Lupin returns.
Elsewhere, just outside London, Conker finds himself in yet another tavern, drinking his life away and attempting to pick up any female interested in doing the dirty. "It's all pink on the inside," he found himself saying quite often. Thus, it didn't really matter if his beer goggles were working or not, or even if they walked on two legs, just as long as she satisfied his perversions.
"Hey you, squirrel-boy," someone says with an American accent near Conker. He turns to face some dude that would be best described as, well, some dude. Take your average drunken fratboy, add a few years and a bad haircut and you should get the idea. Yeah, some dude works just fine.
"I ain't interested in shagging guys," Conker throws back.
"Shagging? What are you supposed to be, Austin Powers or something? Where's your leasure suit, Austin?" he states before laughing out loud.
"Oh bloody hell, a completely arseholed American twit."
"Huh? What'd ya just call me?"
"Did you want something, or are you just trying to annoy me into leaving?"
"Oh, uh, yeah. Wanna play a game?"
"I already told you I ain't interested in guys, arsehole."
"No no no, not that type of game. See, I got a couple of coins here and if yer interested, I'd like to know which one of us can hold their liquor better, you brits or us Americans. Quarters is the game."
"If you're paying, sure."
"Excellent!"
"What are we drinking?"
"Flaming Dr. Peppers."
"Excuse me?"
Elsewhere elsewhere, our resident uber-demons Laharl and Etna have come to a crossroads. They decided just last night to begin exploring the world around them, so they ventured out in an Easternly direction along a path through a dense forest. Having come across another path, the two demons find themselves vexed as to which direction to now continue on. "So, uh, which way, boss?" Etna asks, rubbing sarcasm on the 'boss'.
"Does it even matter? I just want to find my way back to the Netherworld so I can claim my throne! Where the hell are we, anyway?"
"Uh, I believe they call it...Kansass."
"I knew it!" a voice cries out of the foilage just before Laharl can respond. A second later some guy jumps out of a bush and into the crossroads. "I knew if I waited here you'd come!"
"Who the hell are you? And what the hell are you talking about?" Laharl asks.
"Dude, I just knew you'd come along. You're the devil, right?" the guy asks.
Laharl looks to Etna, then back to the guy. "Uh, sure, I guess."
"Alright! I'm here to sell my soul, man. I can't seem to break my way back into the music biz after this whole Britney affair. I need your help, nigga!"
"Did he just call me a ni?" Laharl starts, but Etna cuts him off.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Etna replies.
"Ah man, I'm K-Fed! I guess you don't recognize me with this hat on or something. So, can you help me? I'll even throw my ex's soul in, as well!"
Moving on to yet another part of the world we find Gaara wandering much like Laharl and Etna, only through the busy streets of New York instead of the backwater Bible Belt. He doesn't know exactly why he's in this particular city, it just felt like the right place to be. Maybe he's picking up a hooker, or something. It doesn't really matter. Anyway, as he's walking along he comes across a rather disturbing fellow: some child dressed up in a bear costume. Gaara pauses his march forward to watch the kid wander around, showing what looks like a photograph to random people and asking them questions. Eventually he notices the gourd-toting psychopath and suddenly becomes excited. Much to Gaara's chagrin the kid immediately makes a b-line straight towards him.
"OH MY GOD! It's really you!" he half yells after coming to a halt in front of Gaara. "Look everyone, it's Gaara!" No one else seems to give a damn, some of them even pointing that out. Gaara just stares at him, attempting to bore a hole through the kid's eye sockets with his mind. Which, ironically, he could do if he really wanted to. Course it'd really be sand boring through his head, not just the power of Gaara's mind, but that's just a technicality. Anyway.
"What do you want? And why are you dressed like that?" Gaara finally replies.
"OH MY GAWD! He spoke to me!" the bear replies. Growing rather irritated at the kid, Gaara pushes past him and continues on his way. "Wait! I need to speak to you! It's really, really important!" Gaara pauses but doesn't turn around.
"Why are you dressed in such a rediculous manner?" Gaara repeats.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Cause this's what she wants me to wear."
"And why do you bow to her commands?"
"Cause my parents sold me to her, so she kind of owns me. That's also why I need to talk to you."
"Oh?" Gaara replies, turning his head to the side slightly so he can give the kid a look of annoyance.
"Yeah, Ms. Paris Hilton, she wants to buy you too, Mr. Gaara. You're a yaoi God amongst internet fanbo...er, fangirls and Paris wants to own you."
"Yaoi?"
Finally, we come to our last "elsewhere" where we find Sesshomaru on his endless quest to nowhere, Sakura Haruno following quietly behind several yards like a loyal, but hesitant puppy. Eventually the duo come across a horribly-concealed pit trap, forcing Sesshomaru to pause and stare in utter disbelief."
"What is it, Sesshomaru-sama?" Sakura asks, wondering why he suddenly halted. She advances to also find the trap as clear as day. "Oh."
"Apparently someone wishes to delay us with a pitiful display of intelligence."
"Nooo!" someone shouts from behind a tree to the duo's right. Sakura reactively jumps into a defensive stance, but Sesshomaru simply glances towards the tree. Moments later a bearded, turbin-clad individual jumps out from his hiding spot. "Infidels! How dare you fail to throw yourselves into my trap as sacrifices to God! I KEEEL you!"
As the newcomer charges with some sort of firearm in hand, Sesshomaru notices that, in addition to his unshaven facial features, he also seems to be decked out in blue facial warpaint. He scoffs at the charging idiot, finding this hardly worth his attention. "Sakura. Take care of this," he simply states, turning away from the immediate combat and continuing on his path.
"R...right!" As the man grows closer Sakura begins to form hand signs and within a few seconds there are suddenly three Sakuras on the battlefield. Seeing this the challenger suddenly stops and levels his rifle.
"The infidels will die!" He begins firing at the cloned female as all three charge. Choosing the wrong two to shoot, he quickly finds himself in a world of pain as Sakura slams a fist into his jaw. The poor fucker flies backwards, skidding across the ground a few times before hitting the tree and coming to a halt. Slow to get back to his feet, he notices that his gun is lying about ten yards away, so he yanks his sword and charges once more, shouting "Qapla!!"
Having quickly realized that this she is completely out of this guy's league, she decides to end this quickly. As he nears again, she channels a large amount of chakra into her arm and simply punches the ground below her, causing a localized earthquake-like effect; everything within about 20 yards is basically destroyed. However, to her surprise, this guy apparently has a few tricks up his sleeve. Just before she struck the ground he seemed to shimmer out of view, moving at a speed faster than she could see. He reappears directly behind her after things settle and raises his sword for the killing stroke, but his back explodes with pain before he can bring his weapon down.
Hearing a loud tearing sound followed by some gurgling behind her, Sakura quickly spins around to find a glass-eyed Saddam Bin Gibson hovering at her back. Startled, she hops backwards as he crumples to the shattered ground, his sword tinging as it strikes the hard soil. As he collapses he reveals that his killer was Sesshomaru, who apparently had returned to the fight to save Sakura. "Sesshomaru-sama? You saved me?"
Lowering his blood covered hand back to his side he turns and begins walking once again. "Come, we have wasted enough time as it is." Still shaken by the possibility that she was nearly killed, she climbs to her feet and chases after her "friend."
Back in New York, Gaara has unsurprisingly denied the little bear-guy's request to be purchased as some sort of plaything to some bitch named Paris Hilton. As he begins to depart the company of said bear-child, the kid begins to chuckle softly before breaking out into maniacal laughter. "Fool! How dare you deny my request! Now you shall die, for I am really," he begins as he tears his bear suit off with one smooth tug. "Professor Chaos! Bow before my greatness! Ha ha ha ha!"
Taking the threat to be a serious one, Gaara spins around to find the bear kid replaced by a child dressed in green rags, aluminum foil boots, gloves, and a mask, and a cape. Angered at the thought that he was startled by this twirp, Gaara glares at the "Professor" as the cork pops out of his gourd. Sand begins to pour out of it and slide across the concrete sidewalk towards the poor distracted fool of a child. Deciding to use this opportunity to continue training his new jutsu, he raises his right hand as if getting ready to grasp a door handle. "Sabaku Taisō," he states, afterwards clinching the raised hand into a fist. No one ever hears from Professor Chaos ever again. Throughly angered, Gaara turns and exits the city ASAP before he goes on a murderous rampage.
"So, you're not gonna help me get back to the top of the rap charts?" K-Fed asks after bugging the crap out of Laharl and Etna for the last hour or so.
"No, but we'll happily send you to hell," Laharl replies as he forms a ball of Electric Hellfire in the palm of his hand. Seconds later K-Fed's soul is no longer for sale. It's already in its final resting place.
"Well, that was anticlimatic," Etna states plainly.
"Shut up. Let's get moving."
Conker slams yet another shot back as his newfound drinking buddy sinks yet another quarter in the glass with a loud "Ha!". "Blow me, this arsehole is good at this game," he thinks to himself, blinking quickly in an attempt to clear his gradually blurring vision. However, Conker ain't exactly bad at it either. He slams his shotglass on the table upsidedown then grabs the coin and sinks it. "Nothing but net!" he states as JA Alexander struggles to grab his own shot off the table, barely managing to get it to his mouth before pouring.
"Ya know, cronker."
"Conker."
"Ya, that's what I said. Cronker."
"No, it's Conker."
"Whateva. Ya know, man, I was supposed ta come in here and wack you. My....my woman wanted ya dead. Don't know why, said something about Teddies," he says, having issues staying upright.
"Oh really?"
"Ya, man. I would't lie to my friend. I was supposed to come in 'ere and get ya all wasted, then kill ya. But now I can't even find my gun. I think I musta left it at home."
"Oh yeah? Well, as it so happens, I have my gun right here, arsehole." Conker pulls his newly acquired Omega Cannon seemingly out of nowhere and fires off a single shot, making the upper half of Mr. Alexander disappear in a fountain of gore. Needless to say, the image forces many bystanders to upchuck the contents of their stomachs, but little else happens. The bartender eventually approaches the table with the bill.
"Nice shot," he states.
"Er, you and me gonna have a problem?"
"Nah, he was just some American twit. They're a dime a dozen."
Conker looks at the bill and goes wide-eyed, then grins and reaches into the pants pocket of the corpse, pulling out his wallet. Sure enough, there's plenty of cash. Conker eventually stumbles out of the bar and into the night air.
Back in the first bar, Vash and Lupin have managed to also cause a ruckus, having decided to approach and insult The Heff. Both extremely inebriated and lacking inhibitions, they begin spouting off all manner of uncharacteristic statements. In fact, if Rem were here she'd be shoving a bar of soap down Vash's throat. Anyway, things quickly go south and Heff challenges the two of them to a dual, old-world style; that is, by slapping a glove across their faces. Caught offguard by this, the two of them can't help but slip into hysteria, laughing uncontrollably.
Some time later after they've regained some measure of composure, the three of them step outside for a two-on-one dual. Yes, the Heff is going to take Vash the Stampede and Arsené Lupin III on at the same time. He's just that damn good. As it turns out though, a dual to the Heff is not the same thing as a dual to you and me, and why should it be? He's a multimillion dollar porn king, the central host of "America's Got Idiots", and drives KITT; he's the Knight Rider for God's sake. No, a dual to a man this "great" involves only one thing: picking up hot women.
Unfortunately for him, he didn't know he was dealing with two icons, the James Bond of anime and, well, Vash the Stampede. So yeah, he's gonna lose. Hardcore. In fact, he's so ashamed by this fact that he commits seppuku to atone for his failure. Anticlimatic you say? You try to figure out a way for Vash to kill someone. The Heff has to die and Vash would only get in the way for even Lupin to do it, so yeah, seppuku.
Chapter 2 of 2, by guest author Conker
The Terrible Trio and Adolf Himmler all sat around the desk in the Oval Office discussing this weeks plans to take over the world. Suddenly the faint sound of music can be heard... "Before the night is done, their plan will be unfurled. By the donning of the sun, they'll take over the world..." And sighing, both Paris and Britney scold the 'commander in chief,' saying "Damn it, Dubya! Would you turn that damned TV off!?" Feeling a bit scathed by people yelling at him, he looks to Himmler pleadingly, "But this week they're actually going to do it. Besides, I want some ideas to help us out this week. I mean, they guy's name is Brain! Hey do you think I could have a better nickname than Dubya?" Shaking his head, Himmler sighs and interrupts Bush... "Just take your portable TV with you into the next room and everything will be OK. I'll come get you when we're through here." Glad to be able to continue watching his favorite show, Bush walks out of the office, continuing to mutter to himself about nicknames, mice, and how awful the 'flowers' in the mountains smell. Having the office all to themselves finally, the three get down to business discussing the week's plans. Laid on the table is the schematics for a warehouse, the profiles of 8 different individuals, and a small bush. (the plant, not the person)
Elsewhere, Lupin and Vash, having found a piece of paper in the Heff's pants (don't ask me why they were getting in HIS pants... let's just assume it wasn't for reasons of gaiety... ok?) found themselves standing outside of a seemingly abandoned warehouse. "This looks like the right address," states Lupin. "But I'd have thought there'd be more to it than this... I mean, he WAS a multimillion dollar porn dude." Agreeing, Vash points to a stranger walking up to the same location. And always being the master of observation (or is it the master of the obvious... mreh.. who knows... continuing on) Lupin breaks the silence, "So who are you...? And what's with the big clay water bottle on your back?" Being slightly annoyed, but totally unthreatened, by the two intruders to his current 'quest,' Gaara simply tosses a piece of paper at Lupin and Vash that just happens to look amazingly similar to the one that our 'heroes' found in the pants of a certain pornography celebrity. "I found this among the remains of a small, poorly-drawn young boy clad in tinfoil. So I came here." Totally taken aback by the comment, our heroes calmly discuss the situation in private and decide that maybe the three of them should join together to investigate further (not farther, because that insinuates distance, not a matter of degree, and degree is what we're talking about here... Thanks, Jamal Wallace!). And for the sake of storyline, Gaara goes COMPLETELY out of character and joins Vash and Lupin in their quest for... whatever.
Upon entering the warehouse, they find themselves in pitch black surroundings, except for the presence of 8 chairs... Four of which are already occupied. And suddenly a voice comes on the mike stating, "Please sit down, gentlemen." Finding this all-too familiar, yet way too compelling, they sit down. "All right," continues the voice, "now that we’re all here...."
"But there's an open seat," interrupts the pink-haired Ninja.
"Yes, well... Red squirrels are hard to come by these days..."
"Is anybody else having a sense of Deja-vu?" interrupts one of the three demons.
"FOCUS PEOPLE!" yells the voice. "You're all here for a reason...
"Don't tell me," states Gaara, "A shrubbery?"
"Well... uh... um..." *whisper whisper* "Uh, well, uh... NI!!!!!!"
Meanwhile, as the monotony of a running gag continues in random abandoned warehouse #63, Conker comes to with a huge hangover. "Aw, man. I feel like shite... Where's that darned A-button?" Wandering around the room, he finally comes to what he's looking for and presses 'A' and downs some antacid. Feeling better, he steps outside into the bright sunshine (I never said it was night time, FOOL!). So Conker reaches into his pocket for his uber-cool Neo shades only to find a piece of paper. Wondering what it is, he uncrumples it and begins to read. "Dear Mr. –insert name here- You have just killed –insert bad guy name here-. Thank you for your help. Please make way to random abandoned warehouse #63 for your reward." Intrigued, Conker's eyes light up in the form of two Dollar signs to the sound of CHA-CHING! And knowing the exact location of said warehouse (he'd met Berry there after a night of way too much drinking) he sprints for the location.
A half hour later, back at our super-secret abandoned warehouse we catch up with our original septet of adventurers... The dog demon is apathetic aside from the annoyance of having wasted far too much of his time. The pink-haired ninja just wishes she were as good as all the other people in the room. Gaara is all-too-quickly slipping into a state of insanity. Vash is sobbing incoherently, trying to gnaw his arms off in an attempt to escape this torturous running gag that has run itself to death. Lupin is calmly sitting with a grin on his face trying to figure out a way to escape and get a look at the pink-haired ninja’s panties at the same time. The female non-dog demon is spouting an array of optimistic anecdotes, trying to encourage her fellow companions. The male non-dog demon seems to be in extreme pain, yelling incoherently about stupid optimists and their views. And our intrepid narrator is off in the dark corner of the building taking a baseball bat to a stallion named Barbaro. All the while, the voice on the speaker has been pelting the seven adventurers with a plethora of NI's. When SUDDENLY there's a knock at the door! Now who could THAT be... ... ... ... oh damn. I just slipped into a Weird Al song... Anyways... Conker enters the room and looks up to see a light-bulb appear over his head. Looking around, he pushes 'A,' reaches over and flips a switch and the lights in the warehouse come on. Almost immediately the incessant slew of NI's stops, much to the happiness of those strapped to the chairs.
"Who turned on the lights!?" demands the incorporeal voice that is coming from the speakers that everybody can now see in front of them. Ignoring the voice Conker proceeds to release everybody from their bonds except Gaara because he just looks a little bit too insane at the moment. "So where's my reward money?" Conker asks as the jaws of everybody drop except for that of the dog-demon who simply walks out the door everybody originally came in as if all of this was simply a waste of his time. "So what, there's no money?"
"Apparently not," states Lupin as he watches the oh-so-attractive form of Sakura follow her master out of the building. "We've just been held prisoner here for the past hour or so being said 'NI' to."
"Hey! Turn out that light!" the speakers reverberate, when suddenly a stream of sand annihilates the Bose surround sound. Surprised, everybody turns to see Gaara continuing to slowly slip from sanity. "Man, I'm sure glad you didn't release him," states Lupin. "He has a weird look about him. Hey... Did anybody notice that curtain over there?"
"Uh... Pay no attention to the curtain. There is nothing there," states a very non-stereo sounding speaker in the center of the room (Gaara missed one.. so what? He's insane, he's BOUND to be a little sloppy).
Looking at each other, the entire party quietly decides to go check it out... Except Conker who notices a small green thing with eyes and smoking a cigar bouncing around in the corner about 10 feet away from our intrepid narrator, who continues to wail on Barbaro... NI!!!!! Grabbing the small green wad, Conker's eyes do that little CHA-CHING thing when he notices a trap door, which upon opening, he disappears into with none of the rest of party noticing his departure.
Upon opening the curtain, Lupin is faced with two women... "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE BIMBOS BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!!" shouts the monophonic voice in the speaker as another shot of sand destroys the last speaker in the room. "Hey, Paris," states one of the women... the fatter of the two. "What do you think of THIS guy?"
"He's hot," returns Paris. "But there are a couple cute pointy-eared things there that I could have for pets. We could have some fun with these guys. That's hot."
Having expected anything but THIS, both Vash and Lupin are floored immediately with a rush of blood out their nostrils, and the two demons' jaws drop to the floor. "You have fun with the demons, Paris. I want the men... For obvious reasons."
"That's hot," returns Paris as she watches Britney go up to Vash and Lupin who have since recovered, thinking they stand a chance of getting to see some hottie action. But the second Britney touches Vash and Lupin, a plethora of actions unravel almost immediately. First, two small things fall from underneath Britney's skirt onto the floor, one with spikey yellow hair and one with straight brown hair. Then a hundred attorneys run in handing subpoenas to both Vash and Lupin, strip them both down to their undies, take all their money, and force them to fill out 5483 pages of law papers as Britney sits down in a chair filing her nails. Seeing this, both demons step away from the pop singer, only to be a step closer to the hotel heiress, and hearing behind them, "You're hot."
Outside, Sakura catches up to Sesshomaru. "Don't you think we should help those guys out in there. I mean, Gaara looked pretty freaked out. And that's NEVER a good sign." Barely taking note of her existence, Sesshomaru returns, "Their plight does not concern me. I am annoyed that I wasted as much time as I did on this fool's errand. Wait... What is that sound?" Simultaneously turning to the sound of the noise, the duo sees a man, close to six feet tall carrying a baseball bat, and dragging behind him what looks to be the corpse of a large beast used in Feudalistic times as a means of transportation. After a few seconds the man stops, looks at them, waves and begins taking golf swings at the creature, when suddenly a man comes up behind the duo, surprising them both.
The man looks towards the two men wearing black suits, ties, sunglasses, and subtle earphone/microphones saying, "Will you look at the cute doggy? He seems pretty nice. And this little girl too. Why is your hair pink, little girl? I've never seen pink hair before... Except for on Democrats. But they're stupid. You're not stupid are you? You don't look very dumb. Hey, maybe YOU know. I found these coconuts on the ground and I was wondering where they came from. I found these French guys and they just taunted me and said nasty things about my mom and dad. That wasn't very nice of them. But I didn't mind. Do you know what an elderberry is? It was also a little rude when they started tossing farm animals at me, but I'm used to that, being from Texas and all. Did you know cows don't land on their feet. Cats do. Hey, will you look at the nice doggy? He seems pretty nice. Do you think maybe a swallow carried this coconut here? He could have gripped it by the husk. Or maybe two swallows... Oh will you look at the nice doggy... Why's the doggy making that noise? I thought only kitties purred... Maybe you're really a kitty... What's that? He's not purring? You say he's growli......"
At this point Sesshomaru, having had enough of this idiot in front of him unsheathes his sword and unleashes the mother of all Dragon Strikes on the unsuspecting man in his presence, incinerating him completely. Sakura simply looks at Sesshomaru in astonishment as he turns and simply states, "I do not think I could have done the world a bigger favor."
Back in the warehouse, Vash and Lupin have finally filled out all the required paperwork from their accidental bout with Britney and were now clad in fake nipples and were nursing the two newborns. Laharl and Etna were having similar issues of their own, having been dressed in very embarrassing clothing. Laharl looked much like a little Sailor, (or… ahem.. as a STHAILOR... akin to a gay lion... only not a lion... But definitely the former) while Etna was dressed as a little police officer. "That's hot." And then there's Gaara... Well, let's just say, I'm surprised he's lasted THIS long without killing everybody. Oh yeah... THAT'S right... it's because I'm the narrator!
Vash, having had a second to confer with Lupin decides to attack Britney, since she just ruined his life and gave him no satisfaction for his trouble. When suddenly, just as his fist makes contact with her face, out pops another miniature version of himself. And the same idiocy ensues as before. Only THIS time, she also gets drunk, roughs him up a bit, then the police show up, charge him with domestic violence, and beat him with a nightstick. "Damn it, Lupin! Next time YOU try to kick her ass!" Backing away, Lupin replies, "Heck no, man. I want nothing to do with that chick! I'm not going through all that crap again!" At the same time, behind Lupin, Paris is getting all Elmira on her new little cuddly 'pets.' "That's Hot."
"There's nothing I can do to her," states Laharl. "It's like we have no power against her." Causing her companion to go into painful shocks, Etna responds, "Everything will be Ok, so long as we've got love on our side." When suddenly, Lupin bumps into Paris as he's backing away from the pissed off Vash, Knocking Etna and Laharl out of the heiress's arms and onto the floor. "Like, OW!" cries Paris. "That's, like, not hot!" Lupin, seeing a bruise immediately appear on Paris' shoulder, eyes Vash meaningfully. And of course, Vash walks up to Paris and nudges her. "Like, OW... That is, like, SO not hot." Seeing what's transpiring with her partner in crime, Britney runs to try to help her slutty companion when Laharl and Etna jump into her path. Immediately Britney comes to a stop and hisses at the two demons and turns an ever-so-slight shade of purple. Understanding immediately what's going on, the two demons smile and attack Britney who transforms into a big purple singing dinosaur. At this same time the little miniature versions of Vash and Lupin disappear (because we all know purple dinosaurs can't procreate with another species... shut up, it's contextly sensitive. Just deal with it, yo!). So putting a long story... uh... less long, the four companions put the beat down on the two slutty whores.
Elsewhere in the warehouse, a frustrated puppet master, Himmler hears on his earphone, "GILLIGAN'S DOWN! GILLIGAN'S DOWN!" Cursing, Himmler walks out of the control center in utter rage. "Damn it! Now I have to find another damned puppet. Oh well, I suppose it was only a matter of time. But it seems nothing is going according to plan. What with those two bitches getting discovered and getting the shit kicked out of them, and Bush being dumber than advertised..." Pausing, Himmler sighs at the irony of that statement. Even he didn't think THAT was possible. But shaking it off, Himmler continued down the hall, sawed off shotgun in hand. Rounding a corner, he comes across a man with a baseball bat, standing over the corpse of an animal used in some of his favorite porn flicks. The man looks at him in disgust and begins to pummel the creature. Coming to a catwalk, Himmler is confronted by an extremely dirty man wearing rags for clothing who stops him, saying, "Ye must answer me, these questions three, ere the other side ye see..." BANG!!!!!!! That taken care of, he continues on and enters the main room of the warehouse. Looking around he sees the bloody corpses of Britney and Paris... Britney with dozens of bite marks and Paris with... well, we're not going there. We'll just say that Lupin and Vash had their fun. But the only other person in the room is Gaara, still strapped to the chair, very much insane. Frustrated beyond comprehension, Himmler walks up to Gaara, putting the gun to his head... Only to be engulfed by sand.
Outside the four slayers of the Sluts from hell were celebrating. Everybody had had their fun. The demons had their taste of blood. The men had, well, Paris... over and over again. Can anybody say 'Blood Orgy'? But all was good until Laharl tried to take off the 'Sthailor' outfit. "Hey! I can't get this thing off! What gives?" Then suddenly, a whispy gray, poorly drawn little boy wearing a teddy bear outfit appears before them. "That is her power. You can never take it off. Even in death she mocks you. Just as she mocked me. I must wear this teddy bear outfit for all eternity, just as you shall always have to remain a Sthailor. For... E... VER... FOR... E... VER!!!!" And with that, the ghostly version of Mr. Biggles faded into nothingness leaving Laharl, dazed, confused and permanently dressthed asth a sthailor. "WHAT!?!?!?" cried Laharl, trying to rip the clothes from his bodice. "Well," replies Etna, "I love you just the way you are. But you could have always been dressed like Ru Paul." And immediately Laharl begins convulsing in pain as the other three laugh their asses off.
Following the secret trap door down, Conker has worked his way around the building having all sorts of fun random adventures involving Poo, corn, cash, cows, bulls, fire demons, hunks of cheese, stacked flower women, weasels, teddies, and even an alien... Only now he has found the control room. "Wow, check this place out. This is pretty cool. I can see everything that's happening in this warehouse. Looks like those sluts have been dealt with. And there's that sand guy, who's still as psycho as ever. And who's that guy with the shotgun. Hmm.. Oh well. I guess they'll get it figured out. Hey. Will you look at that! There's that light bulb over my head again. I wonder what will happen this time." And of course, pushing the 'A' button, Conker sees a big red button, which he promptly pushes.
During this time, Gaara has crushed, smooshed, smashed, disembowled, decapitated, disillusioned, and incinerated Himmler, only to see him come back and shoot Gaara with his sawed-off shotgun each time. And each time, Himmler barely made a dent in the armor... Stupid Gaara and his gay defenses... (sigh). When suddenly Himmler hears something shocking... "Auto destruct initiated. This building will self-destruct in 5 seconds. 4, 3, 2, 1... Have a nice day.
Outside, about 2 miles away, the three laughing at Laharl get blown to the ground as the shockwave from a nuclear explosion hits them full-on. Dusting themselves off, they decide it's probably best to just leave the scene before somebody comes and blames them for everything. But they can see a body flying away from the explosion, followed by a trail of sand. Meanwhile, back at ground zero, amidst all the dust, debris, and mangled steal I-beams, a man slowly stands up from the debris, dusts himself off, and grabs his sawed-off shotgun and stumbles away, mumbling... "Fecking squirrels..."
Rewards:
Sesshomaru receives 8,614 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Sakura Haruno receives 7,310 Experience.
Gaara receives 6,076 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Lupin receives 6,076 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Vash receives 6,076 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Laharl receives 11,878 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Etna receives 8,614 Experience.
Conker receives 6,076 Experience and 5,000 Cash.