Chapter 1 of 3
          It was a Tuesday evening in Paris and the weather was dismal. It had been raining off and on all week, the sun had barely put in an appearance, and frankly Vash was growing tired of the city already. He'd only arrived a week earlier when a friend of his had referred him for a job, but that one week was enough. As if just being in France for an entire day wasn't bad enough, Vash had been stuck here waiting for this damn meeting all week. He didn't even speak French and every time he asked someone if they spoke English they yelled something incomprehensible at him and inexplicably started shooting at him. On the bright side at least he was supposed to meet his mysterious new employer later this evening, although the need for all of this secrecy totally escaped Vash, but as long as the pay was good there was no reason to complain.
          The time was approaching 7:00 on the second Tuesday of March and Lupin had been in Paris for almost three days without getting anywhere with Fujiko. How she could resist his charms in this, Paris, the most romantic city in the world totally escaped him, but she had. But clearly it was just a matter of time until the mood was perfect and then it would happen. Fujiko would give him a kiss and all of the waiting would be worth it. However, until that time came Lupin had a meeting to be at and Fujiko would have to wait.
          Conker had been in Paris for at least three hours and in Europe for less than a day and already he hated it. Everywhere he went someone was yelling at him for his lack of manners. Especially in Spain. That bullfighter sure took a disliking for him when he mooned the archbishop. Oh well, no matter. As soon as he met his new employer, codenamed Jacquesarious Phentari, he would hopefully be done with this filthy continent and its pretentious inhabitants. Then, with any luck he could get his new job, get paid, and get the hell out of here.
          Sesshomaru and Gaara had been hanging out ever since the culture industry had seen fit to put both of their shows on Cartoon Network. Cartoon Network for Christ's sake. Could it get any worse? Theodor Adorno would be rolling over in his grave in shame if he had any idea that their shows had been syndicated by CN. The inhumanity of it! If only they didn't need to pay the bills. If only. If only! The shame of their situation was incredible, humiliation in fact. So humiliating that they had been hanging out together, pooling their collective self-loathing in this, the City of Loathing. And no I don't mean Seaside Town. The city was Paris. Yes, Sesshomaru and Gaara live in Paris. Not because they really like the city all that much, but because few places on earth are more anti-America, more anti-capitalist than Paris. Sure, they might buy the same crap at McDonalds as any other beer swilling American, albeit with a different name, but ask a Royal with Cheese eating Parisian what he hates most about the US of A and he'll respond between bites saying that nothing gets him more riled up than their disgusting consumer culture. And more than anything that response was why Sesshomaru and Gaara were living in Paris.
          God damn police. Just because a fellow chooses to carry a ridiculously huge sword around the streets of Paris late at night is no reason to make his life more difficult. Sol Badguy had been dodging the police for the last three hours as he attempted to make it to his meeting with the man in the wheelchair. Twice already he had almost lost his pursuers only to find himself right back where he started. However, this time seemed to be more promising. Ducking inside that sex shop and renting out a nudie booth had been a stroke of genius. Those types of places never ask any questions about anything and no self-respecting law enforcement type is going to stop by except to pick up his kickbacks. Yes, it was almost 9:00 and Sol had about an hour to get where he was going. If the police were still looking for him he would never make it to that meeting on time.
          Laharl was bored. He hadn't destroyed anything or killed someone without cause in weeks, but at the same time he could hardly work up the motivation to leave the house and find something to do. He had heard through the grapevine that his nemesis, Jacquesarious Phentari, otherwise known as the man in the wheelchair had hired a group of adventurers to acquire the new highly experimental model XJ-212 Rotoplooker from Eiridi-corps super-secret weapons-testing-facility of exceptionally-high-security, and he supposed that he should go out and steal it himself just to spite his Jacquesarious, but honestly who has the time these days what with traffic and everything. Perhaps he could hire some adventurers to do his work like his nemesis, but even that would require work with the screening and the interviewing, and then the follow up interviews and the random ninja attacks to keep your employees on their toes, it just wasn't worth it. But let's face it, outsourcing seldom is.
          All of this and more was going through the Mind of Laharl on a dreary Tuesday evening as he finally worked up the motivation to go to the store. And so it was that at around 9:30 Laharl was leaving his apartment and stepping outside onto the sidewalk that some obnoxious lout with a ridiculously huge sword practically bowled him over. If it wouldn't have taken so much effort Laharl probably would have incinerated him right then and there, but when it came down to it he wasn't really much feeling like it and the comic shop was calling. Maybe after he made his purchases and spent some time flirting with the cute girl that worked at the comic shop he would grab a bite to eat at the diner down the street. And maybe that redhead who sometimes wore her hair in pigtails would be working. Larharl sure liked those pigtails. Yes, maybe she would be working and after that he could go steal that Rotoplooker thing that Jacquasarious was so interested in. Yes, things were already looking up and cute girls were waiting.

Chapter 2 of 3
          "Lupin, are we almost there yet?" whined Fujiko. We've been trekking through this swamp all day and it is ruining my hair."
          "Come on Fujiko" replied Lupin. "When we get there I'd be happy to give you a massage, heh heh heh."
          "Do those two ever shut up?" Sesshomaru asked no one in particular.
          "I bet I can get them to shut up," said Conker.
          "And just how do you plan on doing that Conker?"
          "One word my friend, flatulence."
          "That isn't going to do anything out here Conker," replied Gaara. It already smells like a cesspit out here. If this lab isn't in the least accessible piece of swamp infested land on the planet it has to be pretty damn close."
          "We're here." Vash's statement ended both conversations and everyone looked up to see a pair of sentries just to the side of a large rock outcropping. "That outcropping is the entrance to their lab. It is just a hologram. Gaara, you and Conker take out the two guards. No sound at all. We don't want to alert them we are here. Sesshomaru, if anything goes wrong, vaporize the guards and we'll go from there."
          You know, I can do something too guys," said Sol.
          "Yes, you can do something," retorted Vash. "You can shut up and try not to die."
          The two guards were standing there chatting. They had removed their helmets to talk and smoke and were just wearing their combat armor. It was just AKMB: nothing serious or even problematic. The only real worry was that something would go wrong and one of them would sound the alarm. Then all hell was certain to break loose.
          Gaara and Conker had managed to work themselves to within a few meters of the guards and at an almost imperceptible signal from Vash they descended on the two guards from behind. After only a few moments both guards were down and unconscious and Lupin was rushing towards the entrance way and ripping open the security panel to hotwire the door. Lupin quickly hooks the red and the blue wire up to his new Strikeforce Body Computer and loads his bypass security program opening the door and getting the party into Eridi-Corps top secret swamp research facility.
          The door opens into long empty corridor extending 20m in either direction. Vash pointed at Conker, Gaara, and Sol pointing them to the left. You three, guard that intersection and cover out backs. Lupin and Sesshomaru, come with me. Sakura, Kankuro, Mara, Urd: stay here and guard the exit. Make sure we can get out when the time comes.
          Lupin wasted no time finding an elevator that would take them down to the lowest level of the facility, where according to Jacquassarious' intel the XJ-212 Rotoplooker was being stored. Lupin pushed the button calling the elevator and waited.
          "I wonder if anyone knows we are here yet," he asked no one in particular."
          "Dammit," said Vash. "The elevator stopped. Someone must be getting on."
          "I will put an end to their life and then we won't need to worry about them anymore," Sesshomaru replied in cold disjointed manner, as he moved to one side of the elevator. A moment later the door opened to a pair of rebel soldiers, looking scruffy from the end of their shift. Both were dead in an instant, their bodies crumpled in a heap on the floor.
          "Shit, those guys were just coming off duty. They'll know we're here soon. We better hurry."
          A tremendous explosion shook the elevator as it descended down seven floors, in seeming response to Vash's statement. "I'd say that they know we're here now. Hey, where did Fujiko go? Lupin, she better not be screwing us over. Don't think we don't know what she is like."
          "Hey, Fujiko would never do something like that. Trust me," Lupin stammered.
          A moment later Gaara's voice came over their headsets and said, "Looks like we lost Sol. He never even knew what hit him. Took a reflex missile right in the chest. There are little bits and piece of him all over the place. Anyways, it looks like we have company. You guys better hurry up."
          "Oh crap, Conker just ran off yelling something about finding the ultimate cherry bomb and flushing it down the toilet."
          A moment later a second explosion shakes the elevator just as it comes to a halt and the doors open.
          As the door opened Sesshomaru walked out. "Wait here until I call for you. I will go check out the situation." His eyes blazed intently as he strode forth-seeking combat and death. A few moments later he waved Lupin and Vash forward, directing them to cover his rear.
          "We're here. Lupin, come get us into the lab."
          As Lupin and Vash move forward they turn the corner and see a pair of dead guards and another lab technician lying in pools of their own blood. Several arms ripped off.
          "Hmmm, this lock isn't going to be easy. It uses advanced retinal scanning technology. This might take more than a minute for me to get through."
          Footsteps approached from behind the trio and Vash turned, guns drawn to see Gaara approaching them, not a scratch on him. "I don't know if we have more than a minute. It is ugly up there. I have no clue where Conker went, but their security team we ran into was well armed and armored. Those blasts you heard were them shooting at us. Only thing that saved me was Conker. He practically brought the whole ceiling down on top of them. Took an arm rocket to the face for his trouble, but he was still alive when he ran off."
          Somehow while this conversation is going on Lupin manages to open the door, get the Rotoplooker and get back out of the lab, perhaps using some sort of improbable disguise. "Let's get out of here, heh heh."
          The team moves out, Sesshomaru traveling 100 meters in front of the party clearing the way, avoiding any elevators: up a set of stairs, right turn, up another set of stairs, left at the power generators, and through any number of dead enemy bodies when suddenly directly in front of the team is Sesshomaru, looking back over his shoulder and waiting for them. "The enemy is before us. I suggest you charge forward and meet your fate with the closed fist of a warrior."
          As Sesshomaru turns and charges around the corner a huge concussion rocks the entire hallway and the remaining three members of the team advance forward intent on providing whatever aid they can. As they round the corner they see Sesshomaru, clutching his side where he has been tagged by several rounds of plasma fire and Conker a grin the size of New Jersey on his face, or at least the half of his face that is not burned off, and his left leg broken and useless. But cradled in his arms is a Devastator Omega Cannon, about three times larger than his body and at his feet is a three-man team in Heavy Assault Armor, armed to the teeth.
          "Christ almighty! Where did you get that thing Conker?"
          "As much as I am grateful for the aid Conker has provided me, the simple fact remains that if we wish to get out of here alive we must move quickly. I suspect these three are the first of many, and we will not be so lucky to take them by surprise again.

Chapter 3 of 3
          "Sesh, I can't make contact with anyone we left guarding the exit. All I'm getting when I try to bring up Sakura, Kankuro, Mara, Urd is static. We may have to fight our way out of this place."
          "Vash, while I would like nothing more than to walk out of here without a fight, the notion that we will not have to fight our way out of this complex is an absurd one. However, I believe the entrance is exactly three flights up from where we are so we will know the answer to what happened to Sakura and the rest shortly."
          "Through that door and up three flights of stairs. Then it's just a straight shot down to the exit. The door is on the left. With any luck there won't be anyone there. Of course we haven't really had any luck."
          "Shit that was close. I about damn near got my head blown off. There is someone in the stairwell."
          "Any idea how many of them there were Gaara?"
          "It looked like three, but I didn't get much of a look. Maybe we should go around and come at them from the back."
          "That will take too much time. This is getting worse by the minute. We need to get through now. Any suggestions? I'm not really feeling up to a frontal assault what with my stomach bleeding and all."
          "Oh, I have just the thing, heh heh," laughed Lupin. "I'll bring them right towards you. They won't be ready at all. I knew that this improbably lab tech disguise and wax mask would come in handy."
          A few moments later the five men, apparently Gaara missed a few of them, come running from the stairway through the doorway trying to catch the group of intruders, not hardly expecting them to be lying in wait.
          "Conker, would you care to do the honors?"
          "Would I ever, Sesh. Let's get this started."
          BOOM. Conker's Devastator Omega Cannon goes off, the vibrations shaking the entire hallway as one of the facilities combat Predators go down. BOOM. A second Predator goes down. Gaara and Vash each manage to dispose of an onrushing enemy soldier when the entire party simultaneously realizes that there was a ten foot tall, 800 lb Lizard at the back of the onrushing group.
          "Conker, take out the Ram before it gets in close to us," Sesshomaru commands. "Crap. This is not going to be fun," Sesh says to no one in particular as the Ram Python bowls over Conker sending him flying into to the air to land about ten feet back.
          "Ugh smash! Ugh punish little mans for hurting friends! Ugh!"
          Gaara is down in only a few moments as Ugh quickly grabs his arm and tries to rip it form its socket. When Gaara's arm won't simply come out, Ugh settles for just breaking it in about three places and throwing him down the hallway.
          While Ugh is busy trying to take Gaara apart Sesshomaru steps up and rips a fist size chunk out of Ugh's armor and burns into his flesh with his Dokasso claws.
          "Little man hurt Ugh. Ugh hurt little man!"
          Ugh immediately levels a fist at Sesh who manages to avoid the brunt of the attack, but still gets dinged by Ugh's follow through. Sesh manages to avoid each of Ugh's attacks, but even the ones that just graze him keep him back on his heels. Sesh didn't think anything could be this strong.
          Luckily for him, a few moments later Conker yells "get down" and barely half a second later another BOOM rocks the hallway as Conker's Devastator Omega Cannon rattles the entire hallway, taking off the Ram's head and doing no small amount of damage to Sesshomaru in the process. "Conker have boom stick."
          "Gaara isn't doing so well," Vash announces to the party in general. "He's going to need some help getting out of here. Conker and Lupin, take point. Sesh, guard our back. I'll try and help Gaara."
          "Ok guys, the hallway looks clear. Run right down that hallway and out the way we came. The door is the only one on the left." Vash, you first with Gaara. Then you Sesh. Myself and Conker will go last."
          A few moments later Conker and Lupin walk out of the false rock face hiding the entrance to see Gaara lying on the ground motionless and Sakura, Kankuro, Mara, Urd lying on the ground unconscious and tied up. "What the crap is going on here?" asks Conker.
          In response Vash points up at Laharl, hovering in the sky next to Fujiko.
          "Sorry Lupin," yelled Fujiko, "but Laharl is going to take me out to dinner and buy me diamonds, aren't you Laharl?"
          "Oh, god. Anything you want Fujiko just don't stop leaning forward like that. I'll do anything you want."
          "Yay! You're so good to me Laharl. If you'd do anything for me I'd really like that rotoplooker thing then." With that Fujiko leans up against Laharl and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
          "Your wish is my command, Fujiko."
          "Damnit Lupin. Sesh told you we couldn't trust Fujiko. She always screws you over. Now we're really fucked. I'd shoot the crap out of her if this wasn't useless at more than 50 meters. Stupid popgun."
          "I wouldn't try anything if I were you. Just give me the rotoplooker and you can all leave with your lives. I have already killed Gaara and you are in no condition to fight me right now. Come and get it some other day. I will be waiting for you."
          "Do it Lupin. He's right. We're in no condition to fight him. He took Gaara out before we even knew he was there, I don't know how Sesshomaru is still standing with those pulse cannon shots he took, which leaves us with Conker, and well, I don't want to fight Laharl relying on just Conker."
          "What the crap are you talking about. I've got a Devastator Omega Cannon, I can freaking take out a whole city with this thing if I wanted to. Well, as long as I had really bad gas that day I could."
          "Thank you for that visual Conker, but Vash is correct. I am in no condition to fight Laharl. As much as I hate to admit it, that Ram was far more difficult than I would have expected. I might not have been able to finish him off on my own. Our only choice is to give Laharl what he wants and regroup and hope that Jacquassarious will be forgiving and assist us in getting the rotoplooker back."

Rewards:
Sesshomaru receives 8,772 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Sakura Haruno receives 3,646 Experience.
Gaara receives 5,768 Experience and 5,000 Cash, but died.
Kankuro receives 1,185 Experience.
Vash receives 4,614 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Mara Jade receives 1,716 Experience.
Lupin receives 5,903 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Fujiko receives 1,185 Experience.
Laharl receives 10,337 Experience and 5,000 Cash.
Etna receives 4,386 Experience.
Conker receives 5,903 Experience, 5,000 Cash, and a Devastator Omega Cannon (Level 0 Firearm).
Urd receives 1,716 Experience.
Sol made a guest appearance and died horribly.